the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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