You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
