My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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