would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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