We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
