I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize