we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
