When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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