All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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