She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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