last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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