bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
