i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
