I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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