He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
