I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
