i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize