will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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