ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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