Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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