how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
