I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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