I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
