The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
