My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this just has baby written all over it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
