So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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