I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
