remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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