were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
