my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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