Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
