she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We need a shit load of segways right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
