We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
