Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
