by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
