I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
