alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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