remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Randomize
