she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize