took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize