Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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