Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
