You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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