So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
