I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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