just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
