He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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