operation harelip BJ is a go
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
