i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
