your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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