Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
