The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
