Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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