Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize