What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
