Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
