I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
