apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
