and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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