hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
