we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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