im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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