Even the bartender felt bad for me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
