It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize