Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
