I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
