When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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