walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
